Interlude's End
by luli27
Summary: Number 9 in my tag series, ep '100'. The night after Hailey's death, Emily and Hotch talk - about the past, present and future. She tells him some hard truths and rolls the dice on the future.


**Interlude's End**

**Disclaimer: **Nope, they're not mine.

**A/N:** First of, I'm sorry for having taken so long in getting this out. For some reason, it was just a hard one to get done. I had two pages and couldn't get more than a line written here and there for two weeks. But then my beta said to stop thinking so much and just write and I guess that was just the kick in the behind I needed, cause a few days later I was done. The weird thing was I knew what I wanted to say in this one from practically the day after the ep aired - it took me that long to worked Hotch's emotional reaction to Hailey's death into my universe where he's in love with Emily, or as good as. But I did it and I liked the way I worked it out so it was very annoying not being able to get it done on paper. I even took a day off to write the short one shot "Little Pieces", something of a departure for me 'cause I don't usually write fics that angsty, thinking if I wrote something else I might break through whatever block I had. It worked, thank God. After I finished it, the email from my beta said she was speechless, which would have worried me if she hadn't found enough words to say she loved it. But it had surprised her; she hadn't thought I'd go this way. It was until we chatted that she explained what she meant and her reaction, surprised me. Like I told her, I never imagined any other way for this to go than this. But after she told me what she kind of expected, it got me thinking and I realized that some of you might feel the same way. I . . . well, I don't want to give anything away, but I would like to know what you think of it. If you think I kept Emily in character or if you think I might have pushed him too much, too soon. Please let me know. One more thing, I want to thank Pup for all her help and everyone that reviewed the last tag, I'm sorry I haven't replied but life has gotten a little crazy lately. Well, enjoy!

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"How's he doing?" Emily asked as Hotch came out of Jack's room. "Sorry," she added, shaking her head, before he could even open his mouth to answer, "dumb question."

"Not at all," Hotch disagreed. "You care for him and want to know how he's doing. There's nothing wrong with that." He sat down on the other end of the couch she was sitting on and turned a little so that he was facing her. They were in Hotch's apartment; after months of not having set foot in the place, he'd decided to take Jack there so as not to cause the little boy any more upheaval. After having been out of the city for months, Hotch hadn't thought that taking Jack to Emily's, a place he'd never been to, was a good idea; Hotch's apartment might not be ideal, but at least Jack had been there before and even had a room set up for him. Emily had understood and agreed with Hotch and had gone back to her place to pick up some of Hotch's things since most of his stuff was over there while he and Jack had headed for his apartment.

"So," she prompted as she too shifted on the couch to face him after she put down the magazine she had been flipping through as she waited for Hotch to come back out. "How is he?"

"He's finally asleep," Hotch answered. He sighed heavily and raked his fingers through his hair. "Other than that, I'm not sure. I just . . . How do you explain to a four year old that his mother is dead? How do you make him understand that she won't ever come back? How can I hope that he'll even begin to comprehend something even _I_ can't make sense of?"

"You do the best you can, Aaron," she said softly with great sympathy. She leaned forward and laid her hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly, "it's all any of us can do."

"Yeah," he nodded and laid his head on the back of the couch. He closed his eyes as he said, "the thing is that he's used to me going away on trips all the time; he's used to not seeing me for a few days or even a few weeks. Heck, this last few months he's the one that went away and we didn't see each other. He's so used to one of his parents being absent for days at a time that I'm afraid that he's going to think that's what's happening right now; I'm afraid he's thinking his mom has just gone away on a trip and will be back any day."

"But you tried to explain the difference, didn't you?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"Yes," he nodded again. "But it was tempting to just let him believe that she'll be back. The last thing I wanted to do was break his heart by insisting that he'll never see her again." He sounded so weary and forlorn that Emily's heart went out to him. She squeezed her hand on his shoulder again to let him know he wasn't alone.

"But that's not the kind of parent you are," she argued. "You're not the kind of dad that would lie to his kid – even when the truth would hurt him, because you know that in the end lies only make everything more difficult and more hurtful. Not only do they, sooner or later, have to deal with the reality of the situation but then they also have to deal with the fact that the person they trusted the most lied to them."

"You're right," he nodded. "In the end, as tempting as it was, I couldn't do it. Hailey will never come back; Jack will never see her again. I couldn't leave him expecting that'll be the case when I know he'll only be disappointed in the end. What would happen a week from now, a month, six months from now if he keeps waiting for her and she doesn't show up? I couldn't do that to him."

"Of course not," she agreed. "And that's why you're a good father."

"You think so?" he sounded doubtful. "I'm not so sure about that. I tried to explain that mommy was gone; that she'd gone to heaven and though she'll always be looking out for him, he won't be able to ever see her again but in the end I don't know if he understood. Mostly, I think he's just very confused. Which given everything that happened today, might be a blessing. I can only thank God that he doesn't know he was in the presence of a psychotic serial killer, that as far as he knows there was a man that said he was daddy's friend and after daddy asked him to work a case with him, mommy gave him a strong hug and off to work a case he went only to have daddy retrieve him later. When I think of what he could have witnessed, of what he could remember . . ." he trailed off and shuddered. "He could have actually seen Hailey die. So, I know that in balance, confused is probably the least traumatizing thing he could be right now."

"I agree," she told him. "Confused is a very normal thing for him to be right now. Death is a confusing subject for grown ups; how can we expect a four year old to understand it?"

"I just …" he shook his head. "I can't believe Hailey's gone. It doesn't seem real; I saw her, I even held her in my arms so I _know_ she's dead but I can't quite wrap my mind around it. I know she's gone but I . . . just can't believe it."

"She just died this afternoon, Aaron," Emily said gently. "It's normal that it doesn't seem real yet; it takes time to absorb such life altering news. Give yourself time to assimilate it and time to mourn her. Don't be in a rush for things to be normal. They won't be normal for quite a while. Jack's not the only one that lost a loved one today and he's not the only one that's confused or shocked by it. You need to give yourself time."

"I wasn't in love with her anymore," Hotch said after a moment.

"I know," Emily nodded. "But you still loved her; she was still the mother of your child. She was your childhood sweetheart, Hotch. You spent most of your life with her. You can't really ever break those kinds of bonds."

"No, you can't," he agreed. "But everyone is going on as if I just lost my wife, as if I am now a widower but that's . . . that's just not how I feel. I am incredibly sorry she's dead and I don't know how I'm going to raise Jack without her – I don't know how we can go on without her but . . ." he trailed off and shook his head again. "I do love her and I'll miss her . . ."

"But you're not mourning the death of your wife right now," she finished for him. "You're not broken up over the loss of the love of your life." When he just shook his head once but didn't look at her, she rubbed his shoulder in sympathy. "There's no reason for you to feel guilty about that. You've been separated for over two years now and divorced for more than one, it's perfectly normal for you to feel like this. You still love her and she was still a huge part of your life but she wasn't the center of it anymore. You've moved on; there's nothing wrong with that."

"Maybe not," he said but he didn't sound convinced. "But she would still be alive if it weren't for me."

"Aaron," she admonished him, "that's not true."

"Yes, it is," he maintained. "Foyet wouldn't have been interested in her if it hadn't been for me, if she hadn't been my ex-wife. If I had just taken the damn deal, he would never have gone after her."

"We've already talked about this, Hotch," and she had a feeling they would talk about it again and again for quite a while. "You did what you had to do; there really was nothing else you could have done. You're a cop and cops don't make deals with killers."

"Shaunessy did," he argued.

"Yes, he did," Emily nodded. "And look what it did to him; it tormented him until his dying day. It would have done the same thing to you; breaking your oath that way, going against all your principles would have broken something inside you. You might not have even been able to stay at the FBI; it would have haunted you for the rest of your life."

"Better me being haunted than Hailey dead," Hotch stated flatly.

"Don't say that," she urged, shaking her head. "There are some things worse than death and for you this would be one of them. Hailey wouldn't have wanted that for you."

"But she would be alive," he insisted. "And Jack would still have his mother."

"You have to stop feeling guilty, Aaron," she told him, tightening her grip on his shoulder. "This is not your fault."

"She wouldn't be dead if I'd . . ."

"No," she interrupted him before he could finish. She scooted forward until she could put the hand that wasn't on his shoulder on his cheek and turned it until she could look him in the eye. "This was _not_ your fault," she told him firmly and adamantly as she let her hand fall onto his chest. "Hailey's death is tragic and senseless but it is _not_ your fault; it's Foyet's fault. He's the one that killed her and not," she added when he opened his mouth to protest, "because you didn't take the deal but because he was a psychotic serial killer and killing is what he did," how many times had she said this and how many times would she have to say it in the future before he finally believed it? She supposed she'd say it as many times as it was needed. "It's not right and it's certainly not fair but life isn't always fair. Sometimes horrible things happen to good people for no good reason. How many times had we sat across from families whose lives have been torn apart by the actions of psychopathic killers? Countless and you're always so good with them, so gentle and sympathetic and I bet you've never thought that they were responsible for whatever happened to them. I'd even bet that you'd have told them, more than once, that it wasn't their fault."

"Of course," he nodded.

"Then why can't you believe the same thing for yourself?" she asked. "I know its difficult being on the other side. We never think it could happen to us; we never think that one day we could be the victims. But that's just what you are, Hotch; _you're_ the victim here. Foyet was a sadistic s.o.b. that enjoyed torturing others and killing them. The fact that he chose you to torture does not make Hailey's death your fault. You were just doing your job. Foyet's actions are his responsibility and no one else's."

"But if I hadn't pursued him," he was so mired in his guilt, he wasn't really hearing what Emily was trying to tell him.

"Aaron, you have to stop this," this time she gave in to the urge and shook his shoulder a little. "You have to stop this right now; there's nothing to gain by keeping on this track. The only thing you're doing is letting him win; by taking on a responsibility that's not yours, you're still letting him call the shots."

"I know what you're saying," he finally conceded. "And I know you're right. But . . . how do I stop feeling guilty? How do I stop feeling that if it weren't for me, if she hadn't married me or if I'd quit like she wanted me to, she'd still be alive?"

"But you don't know that, Aaron," she disagreed. "You don't know that she would still be alive if any of those things were true. Sometimes things are just meant to happen. Even if all those things were true, she could still have died. Maybe Foyet would have found her anyway or she might have been in an accident that killed her or she could have choked on a piece of chicken. The possibilities are endless so there's no point in speculating because we have no way of knowing what could have happened. The only thing we can know is what did happen; and that's what we have to deal with. It might not always make sense; there might not be any rhyme or reason to it and you could make yourself crazy trying to understand it and for what? Whatever happened, happened – whether you understand the reasons for it or not. Wondering about the 'what ifs' or trying to take on responsibility for something you didn't do, won't change anything. It won't make you feel better and it most certainly won't bring her back. So, you need to stop; you need to stop feeling guilty and you need to stop second guessing yourself. You need to accept what happened and put the blame where it belongs – on Foyet's shoulders."

"It's not that easy, Emily," he frowned at her and shook his head before he stood up. "Because the fact is that I brought Foyet into Hailey's and Jack's lives and chances are more than good Hailey would still be alive if I hadn't done that. So, how can I not feel guilty?"

"Because you didn't pull the trigger," she answered as she leaned forward on the couch and rested her elbows on her knees as she watched him pace the living room. "You didn't make Foyet stalk Hailey or pull the trigger. It is _not_ your fault," she said yet again. "And no, it's not easy; it might be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. But you have to do it; it's the only way you'll be able to move on and you have to move on – for your sake and for Jack's. It's the only way you'll be able to be the kind of father I know you want to be; the kind of father Jack deserves to have."

"I love Jack," he said a few moments later in a soft, reflective tone as he stopped in front of the balcony glass door. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared up into the night sky. "He's the best thing in my life; the best thing that's ever happened to me," he continued in the same tone. "And he deserves the best father he can have – I just don't know if I can give him that. I can no longer imagine my life without him in it now but . . ." he trailed off and shook his head. "I was never really sure I wanted kids, you know? I was never sure I would be a good father; it didn't matter how many times Hailey tried to reassure me that I would be good at it, I never really believed her. But I knew that she had always wanted to have kids and I knew that _she_ would be a fantastic mother and I really couldn't deny her that chance. So I figured, as long as she was there, it would be alright because no matter how bad I screwed up, she'd be there to fix it. It really wouldn't matter how many mistakes I'd made or how bad I turned out to be because she would make sure Jack received everything he needed; she would make sure he'd grow up to be a good man. But now, she's gone; now, I'm a single father. _I'm_ wholly responsible for raising him and I have no idea how I'm going to do that. I don't know how to do this without her."

"You'll figure it out," she promised him as she got up and walked towards him. "You're an amazing father and you'll do what's best for Jack."

"Over and beyond what losing her means to me," he said and shook his head. "And I really can't envision what it will be like not having her in my life in some way, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to raise that little boy by myself. I can't even begin to think what losing his mother will do to Jack or how the next few days, weeks and years will be like. And to think that all of this happened because of something I did . . . that Jack has lost his mother because of my job . . ." he shook his head and took a deep breath. "I just . . . I don't know how to do this; I don't know if I can. What do I tell him when he asks me why his mommy died? What do I do if he ever blames me for her death? And how could he not when I blame myself? Hailey's dead, Emily; she's dead and it's because of me, because of my job . . ."

"Stop, Aaron," she urged him as she walked forward and laid her hand on his shoulder. "You have to stop this; there's really no point in your torturing yourself like this – and no reason for it, either. You are not responsible for her death. And you _will_ get through this," she assured him. "You're one of the strongest persons I know, Aaron; and in this particular case, you have no choice but to get through this – because your son needs you. And you'll do anything for that little boy."

Actually, he'd do anything for any of the people he loved or for the people he considered to be under his protection. Which, thinking about it, might be why this was so hard for him. Aaron Hotchner was someone that prided himself on his control; for whatever reasons, he needed to control most aspects of his life and that went hand in hand with him sometimes taking responsibility for things that he wasn't responsible for. It was understandable that acknowledging and accepting that Hailey's death hadn't been something he could control, that no matter what he might have thought, Foyet and his actions were never something he had any control over, was more than difficult for him.

"Yes, I would," he nodded. "I'll do my best; I just hope that's good enough."

"It will be," she told him. "And like I said, that's all anyone can ask for."

"I guess," he said. Though he didn't say anything else, she could tell he wasn't convinced and was still on the guilt trip. She hesitated for a moment, wondering if what she was thinking would help or hinder but in the end she decided it might be the only thing that would snap him out of it.

"Hailey wouldn't want this, you know?" she finally said. "She didn't blame you for what happened and wouldn't want you to blame yourself. She'd want you to get past this and get on with your life – for both your sake and Jack's."

"No offense Emily," he said curtly as he turned around, dislodging her arm in the process. "But you hardly knew Hailey. How could you possibly know what she'd want?"

"It's true I didn't really know her," she conceded. Despite the fact that his tone was more curt than usual, she didn't take offense. She knew that he was going to get angry more than once before it was all over and that it really wouldn't be directed at her – that was just the process. "But I heard your last conversation with her; we all did. And her last words weren't about blaming you. On the contrary, she as good as told you this wasn't your fault when she said that you hadn't signed up for this either. But more than that, she asked you to tell Jack how you two met, how you weren't always so serious, how you know how to laugh. She wanted you to teach him about love, Aaron. How can you do any of that if you keep berating yourself for something that wasn't your fault? How can you be the father you want to be, the father she wanted you to be if you don't let all this guilt and all this anger go? You need to let the past go and concentrate on the present and the future - not just for your sake or Jack's but for Hailey's too because that's what she wanted."

He opened his mouth to protest, she could see in his eyes and his stand that he wanted to argue, to fight with her but in the end, he just closed it again, took a deep breath and shook his head. She could see the fight leave him.

"You're right," he told her once more, nodding. "She wouldn't want me to feel this way."

"She loved you," she said softly. "She wanted you to be okay and to be happy again."

"Yeah," he nodded again. "She was a good person; she never liked to see anyone hurting. She was always telling me I couldn't control everything and that I had to learn to let things go. She wouldn't want her death to make me bitter or torment me."

"No, she wouldn't," Emily agreed. "She wanted better for you. I know it won't be easy," she said after a pause. "But you're not alone, Aaron. You need to remember that we're here for you – the team and I are here for whatever you need us for."

"Yes, I know," he said as he started to walk back towards the living room. "All of you guys have been great these last few months. But it's just that . . ."

"You don't like asking for help," she finished for him. "Nor do you feel comfortable asking for it."

"No," he said simply and shook his head. "I don't."

"But you don't really have to ask," she told him. "All you have to do is let us help you. We're profilers, Aaron; we might not actively profile each other but between that and all the time we spend together, we know each other pretty well. I think we can safely say that we'll know what you'll need without you having to ask. All you have to do is let us help you," she repeated.

"Perhaps," he allowed. She half-smiled, knowing from his tone of voice that he was far from convinced, as her eyes followed him about the room. She had never seen him so restless, so aimless. He couldn't seem to settle down anywhere; he went from standing by the hall table flipping through the mail, to taking the dinner dishes to the kitchen, to putting the duffel bags in the closet.

"You didn't really eat much during dinner," she commented. "Would you like me to make you a little something?"

"No, thank you," he answered; though, it was polite enough there was something of a bite to his tone. "I'm not really hungry."

"You should really eat something, Hotch," she insisted. "You need to keep up your strength."

"I'm a grown man, Prentiss," he snapped. "There's no need to nag." When she just looked at him without saying anything, he forced himself to take a deep breath. "I'm sorry; that was uncalled for. I know you're just worried."

"Yes, I am," she agreed. "But, you're right. You're a grown man and if you say you're not hungry . . ."

"I'm not," he asserted.

"Then, you're not," she finished. He just nodded and continued his survey of his living and dinning room. "Well," she said after a few moment's of what was starting to become awkward silence. "I think it's time I leave."

"You don't have to," he said but, again, he didn't sound all that convincing.

"Yes, I do," she argued. She'd come over to see if she could help but she had the feeling she'd done all she could. She'd tried to get him to talk about his feelings and to realize that it wasn't his fault, now it was up to him. There wasn't much more she could at that point. Besides, he should probably be alone; he needed to make sure that Jack was alright and he needed the time to mourn and get himself together. She, like everyone else, had wanted the situation resolved and though part of her was relieved Foyet was no longer a threat, she wished the resolution had had a better ending. But despite it having the worst possible outcome, the Foyet situation was now over and Hotch and Jack had to find their way in their new reality.

However, Hotch and Jack weren't the only ones that had to find their way in this new reality, Hotch and Emily also had to figure out where they stood in it. Because now that Foyet was no longer in the picture, they could no longer keep living in their own out of time bubble. They now had to decide how they were going to go forward; they had to decide how they were going to deal with the rest of the team and the rest of the FBI. With Hotch a full time father, it was just no longer feasible to keep their relationship to themselves and out of everyone else's radar. The out of time and space reality they'd created was over and they now had to face up to reality. That was if they even had a future - and given the fact that Hotch hadn't touched her once since she'd arrived or even looked her in the eye, that was far from certain.

"I think it's just best if I go now," she said again. "You have a lot of thinking to do and you have to be there for Jack if he needs you. It's probably best if you two are by yourselves."

"You're probably right," Hotch nodded and she wasn't sure but she thought she heard a note of relief in his voice.

"Before I go, though," she started to say before she hesitated. She wasn't sure whether she should continue but when he looked at her questioningly, she decided to just go ahead. Their relationship had always been based on honesty and there was no reason for that to change. "I just wanted to say that I know you Aaron," she told him. "I probably know you better than just about anyone else right now. And not just because I'm a profiler or because we've worked together for almost four years, but these last few weeks living together have given me a unique insight into how you think. So, I know what you're thinking right now."

"Oh, really?" he raised an eyebrow and didn't bother to conceal his skepticism as he interrupted her. "And just what is it that you think you know?"

"I know," she answered calmly, not at all bothered by his surly attitude, "that despite all I've said tonight, despite what anyone might tell you about it, you still feel responsible for Hailey's death. What's more, I know that there's a part of you that will probably always feel guilty about it. And I know that there's also a part of you that feels guilty about us; and that you feel guilty because your ex-wife died this afternoon and yet you can't help but wonder what that might mean when it comes to us," she knew he felt like that not just because she knew him but because she felt the same. "In some part of your mind, you're worried about how I'm doing and you're thinking about where we'll go from here." She stopped talking when he opened his mouth to as if to speak but just sighed sadly when he closed it without saying anything, gave a hard shake of his head, turned his back and began pacing away from her.

"But I also know how hard all of this has been for you," she continued. "This is probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to go through. The last thing I want is to make it any harder. I only want to help you – in whatever way you'll let me: as a colleague and friend and maybe something more or maybe not," she added in almost a whisper as she took in his stiff back. She swallowed hard and with a sad smile went on, "that's why I'm going. You need this time alone to make sure Jack's okay," she repeated, "and to settle yourself, to make some kind of peace with what's happened and to think about things – to figure out what is it that you want, what you don't want and what you're ready for." She paused and took a deep breath, not really wanting to say what she was going to say next. She knew she had to say it but it would be one of the hardest things she would ever say since she might very well be shooting down her own dreams for the future. "And if later on, you want to take a step back from us, from what we've started to build, from what we could have, or even if you want to forget all about it because you find that you want to dedicate all your time and energy to taking care of Jack and you won't have the time or inclination for anything or anyone else, or if you find that, despite what you've said, you care more for Hailey than you thought and you just aren't ready for another relationship, or even if you discover that what you thought you felt, what you thought you wanted was just a by-product of the circumstances, of the almost artificial reality Foyet fostered – if you find any of those things are true, I'll understand. I'll understand and I'll step back and forget all about it, no questions asked, no tears, no recriminations, no drama. I'll go back to being only your colleague and, I hope, your friend."

"That easy?" he asked curtly. "You'll find it that easy to go back?" He couldn't help his tone because even thought Emily had hit all the nails on the head and he had been thinking about doing precisely what she'd said, he found that he didn't like the idea that she could forget about all they had shared that easily.

"I didn't say it would be easy," she answered and had to clear her throat when her voice broke. "It will probably be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do," she admitted. She found his curt tone far from offending; it actually reassured her and made the tight knot that had taken residence in her stomach since she started the conversation loosen a little bit because it meant that deep down, regardless of what else he was thinking, he didn't want to end things. "But if that's what you need, if that's what will make things easier for you, I'll do it. I only what to help, Hotch; I only want what's best for you and Jack."

"I know that, Em," Hotch said quietly. "Thank you."

"Having said that, though," unlike before where her voice had been soft and quiet, her voice now was firm and just this side of combative, "I want you to know that there's only so much I'll understand and accept. I won't understand and I certainly won't accept it if you decide to step back because you feel so guilty about what happened that you think you don't deserve to be happy, that you somehow should punish yourself because with Hailey dead you really shouldn't be able to move on with your life and find some peace and contentment or if you decide that you're a jinx and only bring pain and misery to those that love you and want to be close to you or if you think it's too dangerous because some UnSub in the future might take it into his head to follow Foyet's lead and go after your loved ones. I won't understand or accept any of that; I won't let you . . ."

"You won't let me?" he interrupted, not sure whether he was upset or relieved.

"No," she shook her head unapologetically. "I won't let you close yourself off from life, from the people that care about you. I know the last few months have been tough and Hailey dying might seem like the last straw but you isolating yourself and all but giving up on even the possibility of a full life, of love won't help anything. The only thing that would do is let Foyet win. If you give up on anything but work and Jack, you'll be letting that bastard dictate from the grave how you live your life and he's already had enough of an impact on your life. He doesn't get to mess with you anymore. Not to mention that you giving up, closing yourself off wouldn't be fair."

"Be fair?" he asked, "to whom? You?"

"No, not to me," she denied. "It wouldn't be fair to you because, whatever you might think right now, you do deserve to have a full, happy, loving life. You're a good, decent, honest, honorable and noble man, Aaron; you deserve peace and happiness and love. You deserve to have good things happen to you; you've earned it – especially after the rotten deal you've been given. And it's also not fair to Jack; no kid should have to bear the responsibility of being the only good thing in his father's life. He _should_ be a priority for you but he shouldn't be your only priority; he shouldn't be the only thing you have in life besides work or the only reason you get up in the morning. That's a burden no child should have to carry. And," she hesitated for a moment before she decided that she had come this far she might as well go the distance, "it definitely wouldn't be fair to Hailey's memory. She wouldn't want that for you," she repeated what he himself had said a few moments earlier, "she wouldn't want her death to become the reason why you basically stopped living. Her last request to you was to teach Jack about love and how can you do that if you close yourself to it and the only person you love and you let love you is Jack? How can you teach him about a well rounded life if you don't have one? I know Hailey would have wanted you to go on and to find love and happiness and I know that not only because of her last phone call or because of what you've told me about her but because I know she loved you . . . just like I do and that's what I would want if I were in her shoes." She stopped to take a deep breath and looked around for her coat. She didn't expect Hotch to say anything, it really wasn't the time, but it had felt right and she didn't regret saying it. She picked up her coat and turned around to face him again.

"It doesn't have to be with me," she said, "you don't have to move on with me; I'm not asking if you love me or asking you _to_ love me. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't close yourself to the possibility of love – whether it's with me or someone else, you deserve to find love, you deserve to make a life . . . have a family again. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you're open to the possibilities, even if you decide you don't feel that way about me or if in the long run, it turns out we're not right for each other."

"Emily, I . . ." Hotch started to say but it was clear he had no idea how to go on.

"No, Aaron, don't say anything," Emily stopped him. "I'm not asking for a declaration or for excuses; I just want you to know that I'm here and that I know what's going through your mind. And that while it might be easy to let guilt, fear or self-doubt get the best of you, I'll help you stop it because I want what's best for you. And before you ask, remember that I know you and I'll know if you genuinely want to take a step back or if you're letting your demons get the best of you. Well," she paused and looked around to see if she had all of her things before she started walking towards the front door, "I'll be going now; you need to rest and you have a lot to go through so, I'll see you later." She turned to look at him when she reached the door.

"Yes, I'll see you later," he agreed and they held each other's gaze for a few moments.

She'd known all along that there was a very good chance that things would end this way; she'd prayed for a better outcome but she was realistic enough to understand that happy endings weren't a certainty. It had been tempting to keep going as they'd been but she was practical enough to know that they couldn't go on like that forever and she thought it would be better if she was the one that said something.

Their brief interlude, the little world away from reality they'd managed to carve for themselves was at an end. And only time would tell what the reality that came after would be like. She could only hope it was some modified version of the past few weeks but even if it wasn't, she would always have the memories and the satisfaction of knowing she'd done the right thing by letting Hotch free to make whatever decision was best for him. With one last look at Hotch, she walked out the door, fervently praying it wouldn't be the last time.

**A/N2: **I don't know who nominated my series for the 2009 CM awards but I really want to say thank you!! I've been writing for close to six years now and it's the first time any of my fics have been nominated and I gotta tell you, it's an amazing feeling - so, THANK YOU!!! really!!! If you'd like to vote, it's over at lj_ cmfanficawards. _


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